Double face love.

Photo by Frederik Heyman

Recent conversation with couple of my friends on trust and relationships got me thinking. Is love really double-faced? How many of us love with fingers crossed in our pockets? How many people is in relationship with one person with a number of B options just a click away in his/hers cell-phone, notebook, Facebook, Twitter or WhatsApp? So when the tough gets going in a relationship you are CLICK gone…and CLICK goes the next one…

I wrote about love and trust in a number of ways in couple of different posts, going through various stages in life. It was quite interesting for me to learn how my own views changed with experience, as I guess there is no other way to learn this lesson but on my own skin.

Here are the couple of posts I wrote on this topic…

Emotional switch

Masks off

Wake up call

Trust

Still, going through my current life stage and relationship I find myself going foolishly and naively all out on a daily basics trying to be positive, loving and thinking that the other person will equally openly and honestly feel and act towards me, with no fingers crossed with no B options CLICK away…does he, do they really do the same?

What should one do when in doubt? Confront for every little thing? Ask rather than assume? Listen to that women instinct or let it go?

When I look back and remember myself when I was a little girl observing my parents well functioning marriage…wearing crown on my head and princess outfit on a daily basis, acting and moving like a confident princess trusting each person from the first day we met – I almost feel guilty telling that same girl with same morals just a bit older now, to be careful, wiser, to step back and act unlike her character in order not to get hurt.

When did double face love got in fashion?

A gold-digger.

Definition of GOLD DIGGER  - noun

 1: one who digs for gold

2: a person who uses charm to extract money or gifts from others
Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man's bank account than she does about the man. The closest male equivalent is a gigolo or boy toy.

I wanted to write the post on this topic awhile ago until recently someone reminded me on the timelessness of this topic and term which people tend to throw around a lot as it relates to mostly women in different situations.

First, I would like to say that more and more I can think of many men fitting in above dictionary description of a term – gold-digger or maybe more politely put – conveniently in-love men.

However as it is mostly relates to women (even in a definition) I went ahead and did a little interview with a friend who proudly saids she indeed picks her boyfriends (often more at a time, but one official one) according to their financial status.

She claims that she feels flattered by their attention and gifts, she likes fancy dinners and vacation they take her to and said that she only acts like men do and sees nothing wrong in that.

First I have judged her, I admit it...but after looking at the bigger picture, I felt sorry for her. I feel sorry because I don't think she believes she deserves better, I don't think she believes she is able to take care of herself on her own and I don't think that she is happy.

Her belief that man should be used „because they are all the same, they lie and cheat“I think it’s sad. Her parents bad marriage and couple of bad relationships do not stand as a proof that all man are the same and should be punished for sins of couple of bad apples who came before them. It is taking an easy way out – and being scared to get to know a guy and maybe even fall in love with him and not his car.

All in all, a potential gold-digger should understand that – although every woman likes nice clothes, shoes & living standard, these cannot hug you back at night, and lonely feels equally lonely no matter the price of the sheets you are lying on. While with being with a man who willingly takes this kind of „treatment“ and goes with it, she gets what she deserves.

Although desirable, Gucci, Hermes, Chanel purses and clothes and expensive cars  are all seasonal, dropping in price and value starting from the day you buy them.

Did we really start measuring love in currency ladies?

What is the broken hearts worth?

"Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you need is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

~Oprah Winfrey~

Jealousy.

Many think of jealousy as something dire,

Yet its definition saids it shows our desire,

As long as it stays within the lines,

There is no feeling it undermines.

So don’t think of it as a negative feeling,

Think of it as proof she is scared to lose you,

 And that she finds you appealing.

Maybe it’s still early and you don’t know me that well,

Maybe wrong assumptions rang that warning bell.

Why not keep our hearts open?  So if we ever share the keys,

I am sure the relationship will remain as light as the breeze.

I don’t want you to wear the sign reservada,

Our relationship shouldn’t force you to sacrifice nada.

I want you to wear my invisible hug,

To hold you tighter when you are lonely and need a snug,

To remind you I care for you even when you’re mad,

To prove to you l’ll do everything possible to never see you sad.

To know that what I am saying is honest and true,

To remind you that I am always thinking of you.

TRUST.

There are exactly two ways to make it true – you give it to him, he gives it to you.

It should be like this from the start, no acting nor faking – it comes from the heart.

It’s precious and rare, value and cherish it,

It’s the most important thing you share - It shows how much you care. 

Don’t risk this precious trust for the sake of an easy lust,

  It could end with bunch of lies which often turn to tears in her trusting eyes.  

Your current little lust can turn your dreams into dust;

 Truth is a must when you are trying to earn her trust.

Recipe is simple – be true from the start,

Make your decisions smart,

In a couple be an equal part,

If your behavior is unjust,

Care enough to adjust – do it, all to keep her trust.