Ups...I am in love.

I had an hour long PMSal conversation with my boyfriend last night, who although at moments losing his patience trying to find a solution or a point of the discussion we were having, he listened to me patiently, kindly and lovingly.

     Indeed, I had a point in mind, I knew what I wanted to tell him but I was terrified of what his response might be so I talked and talked and talked about everything else, none of which actually bothered me, all while trying to find a courage and a right way to tell him that I am totally falling in love with him and in a way looking for his  „It's ok, I won't hurt you and lie to you, it’s safe to love me“  reassurance.

I know, this might seem naive from my side and impossible to guarantee from his side, but you see, I have been in relationships before with good guys, bad guys, cowardly guys, loving guys and athlete guys...but this time it feels different. He is different. I look into his eyes and I know that he has good morals, he stands firm on the ground, he means well, what he is telling me is the honest truth, he is young but he acts with an integrity of a strong, well raised gentleman and he really does care for me.

Is he a perfect man? Not at all. But he is not running away from problems, relationship talks and PMSal drama conversations – he stays and he listens, my weaknesses are his strengths, he makes me a better person.

What I am asking from him is an emotional security and loving support, in return he asks me to give him a reality check when he needs it and to give him an unconditional support with all that he does. Fair enough, cause at the end - these are the things that are priceless. 

  Passion and attraction come and go periodically through relationship, material things (presents, clothes, car, apartment...) are an instant happiness fix which quickly wares off, all of these material things need to be replaced sooner or later, while friendship and true values remain to be the thing we look for from our partner when we are at our lowest.

As this special person we love fits in between friends and family on our priority list - we choose who it is freely and are connected with more than just a platonic friendship. Cherish such person if you have him/her in your life, as these days – such people are trully hard to find.

Thank you!

These are one of the first words most kids are thought at the early age by the proud parents who twitch the hand or pet their kids head when they are given something by someone saying: “Brian, honey, what do we say?” Or “Say thank you sweetheart!”

Even though we are repeatedly thought the same lesson throughout our lives by our parents, family, teachers and later companies we work for – do we really say it when and to whom it matters? Do we really mean it?

This is a quit personal post, but this is after all my personal blog J this is to say thank you to hero ladies who made a significant impact in my life and shaped me into who I am today and who I am striving to become like.

TO MY GRANDMAS ….  Who were true ladies, hard working, classy and most fashionable women in town; both of them knew how to hold their families together by being a strong support to their husbands and gentle but determined hand which lead the family & steered each of the kids towards personal independence with no excuses. Thank you for creating a family full of strong, independent, successful and beautiful ladies. Thank you! RIP.

TO MY MOTHER … who taught me to march to my own drum no matter what, who showed me the power of forgiveness, who taught me to lead with my heart and never to settle with anything less than exactly what I deserve and who continuous to show me that impossible is nothing. From her I learned that love is an unselfish and honest gift with which you give your whole self, expecting nothing in return. She reminds me to keep a child in me alive and stay creative weather making a smiling scrambled egg for breakfast to my boyfriend or jumping head in into new assignment at work. Thank you!

TO MRS.DEB & MRS.JENN… You were my American mothers, sisters, friends and extended family. From you I learned that life brings diversity, that not all situations in life are black or white. You supported me when I was hurt, provided a true role model of successful and strong women, mothers and ladies. You taught me everything from how to cook peanut noodles to how to put on a diaper and how to dump a bad news boyfriend. Thank you!

TO MY LITTLE ANGELS…Julia & Meg, Carolyn & Patrick. You made me realize and experience that there is such thing as unconditional love. You make me proud every day as you are growing into incredibly talented and strong young women & a man and I think about you very, very often as you impacted my life tremendously. Thank you!

TO MY GIRLS….Anita, Iva, Maja, Tea, Armina, Matea….You cried, danced, drank, fought, painted furniture, cooked, got in trouble, partied hard,  made mistakes, studied, worked out, together with me & you are still doing it. You are my kick in the butt when I need it, my favorite coffee dates, my long night calls, my book club and my support system. Thank you!

Who did you say thank you today lovelies? Don’t assume they know it.

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is 

'thank you', it will be enough." 

~ Meister Eckhart~

Pure love.

You know how they say love is pure?

The way I see it, it is the only gift you keep giving without ever expecting anything in return, and the giving you give is rewarding enough, it’s unselfish, pure.

Everything else is just liking or infatuation.

Some might say it is hard to differentiate the two, but it’s not, not at all, because boy…I tell ya….Love, Love can get pretty crazy. Because people can get quite pissed off, disappointed and defensive when their vision of love is threatened, just like with Santa when we are kids…but Love, Love is real – unlike Santa or Easter bunny.

You never know what to expect, it gives you ultimate high and takes you to the all time lows, and this is precisely so because there is no calculating risks, bargaining or negotiating, it’s just BAM! You jump! And then for a while it’s like – SWOOSH! – Fabulous paradise islands with just you two, and then later – it’s like a protective bubble of safety net and support, and then even later it’s more like – trying not to break the bubble and not let anyone else in.

There is no to much thinking involved really, no risk assessment, no logic, no fear…that’s why it is so magical, special and rare these days. But don’t be mistaken, it doesn’t just live on its own. It doesn’t just feed of itself, it needs to be nurtured, never taken for granted, communicated and acted upon every day, and it shouldn’t become a boring routine but a lifestyle, preciously protected, held not to hard but not to lose either – just like holding a butterfly.

Can it last forever? I don’t know, nobody came back from forever to tell the story, but why not try?J

This way at least there is no coulda, woulda, shoulda….

Have you been recently hurt? You say trying again to give your all is stupid? 

I say its brave.

Just JUMP lovelies! 

"Love is a fabric which never fades, no matter how often it is washed in the water of adversity and grief."

Emotional switch.

On.Off.On.Off.On.Off.On…..Off. I wish it was that easy, and we could do it with our feelings. I wish there was an emotional switch. So, you meet a guy, the guy is nice, the guy is honest, smart, you date a guy, you like the guy, you do stuff for a guy, sacrifice your own pleasures to be together cause he is worth of it, you fall in love with a guy  - ON.

You find out that the guy is SMSing and Facebooking with other girls, the guy was lying to you and becoming more and more relaxed going further in a relationship – OFF.

Noup. Doesn’t work like that. This is one thing where you can’t learn on other peoples mistakes, you need to feel it & experienced it on your own skin, over and over again, and we never learn – because heart...the heart is forever inexperienced.

It's today, in this day and age, with Facebook and Twitter, Email and Skype, sms and Viber on the go loyalty, monogamy, fidelity and honesty to much to ask? Is it threatened to extinct?

Continuing on my “Masks off” post, visiting a “The museum of broken relationships” in Zagreb today, I could not help but wonder if human qualities Ilisted above are not needed anymore?

Let’s see, what has changed? The way we communicate did.

   On social media site profiles, we can be who ever we want to be, the better the profile picture taken in now worldwide official photo booth – our restroom, the more likes we get. This photo became very important – so with your best push up bra, make up and bad bathroom lightning in your parents apartment – an average girl who you would never notice on the street suddenly becomes mini Angelina Jolie!

Social media sites today, mainly Facebook – have became biggest dating sites, giving even people with lack of social skills and average looks the opportunity to shine and present themselves in better light, on the safe wireless distance from the person they are talking to.

   So now such sites have become a place where you can establish a first contact, meet in person, fall in love and then be paranoid throughout your relationship every time your partner is online thinking – who is that girl he added? Is he poking her?

 It seems like we have became increasingly oblivious to and ungrateful towards basic human morals and qualities we recognize in people who are by our side daily. With this increased speed and means of communication we have today we feel like we have infinite options and we are never sure of our current romantic choices.

 Is the girl I am with the best I can find? Maybe that blond girl with big boobs who is a model is better in bed then my girlfriend? …hmm…Nothing wrong with poking her and chatting once in a while…If my girlfriend doesn’t know it can’t hurt her..Right? Wrong. OFF.

Maybe that guy with six pack sitting in brand new (dads) Audi on his profile picture and brain surgeon degree (in his info tab) at the age of 25 is better choice for me, he poked me twice today!….hmm…Wrong. OFF.

What do you think darlings? 

Many might disagree and call me old fashion and overly romantic…but I still believe there is that one and only person that is just perfect for each of us. 
I believe relationships are full of ups and downs, challenges, makeups and breakups but we became too easy to quit and too fast to run away when the going gets tough.

Maybe I am wrong...but..."ja se neću smirit"....until I know the man I am with is right for me. No lies. No hiding. No side pokes & likes. I still prefer skin to skin versus wireless connection anyday! I want them always ON.

 „In a world of infinite options, 

there's no better feeling than knowing you only have one." 

S&TC 

The bubble.

Some might think your life is easy; money earned can make them dizzy.

They see your life as very shallow, easy, fun and mostly mellow.

They label you as one of the same:

luxury, low IQ, cheap women, fast cars and the fame.

It’s easy to judge those who have made it stately

 and most of their lives sacrificed greatly.

This way envious makes himself feel better, 

rather than admitting that he’s never been a go-getter.

 Please never forget that together we have built a bubble,

 In which we are immune to and protected from all the outside trouble.

Our bubble protects us from the irrelevant things, 

outside noise and all that jealousy brings.

It bounces of all of the Facebook stalkers, 
hurtful comments and gossip talkers.

It keeps us safe and closely together,

 inside of our bubble it is always sunny weather.

Remember I’ll be with you through sunshine and storm; 

nothing can break the bubble we form. 

Masks off.

Vogue Mexico November, 2010.

How many of you ladies can remember the first coffee with your girlfriends after you have started dating a new guy? As soon as you sit down girls say – Sooo? How do you feel about him, it's official now, right?

Then you excitedly start your monolog about your new boyfriend, while blinking with your shinny eyes and explaining how he is very special and different than any other guy so far, how he knows you so well and understands you instantly, how he has incredible sense for humor and he is just... he is just so perfect!

3-5 months later, you start commenting how it is so annoying when he doesn't answer your text messages which are obviously written in a question form, how you don't understand why he has so many female Facebook friends and how sex with him is becoming a bit to...usual.

“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without 

and know we cannot live within.”

~James Arthur Baldwin~

He, while talking to one of his best friends over a beer casually mentions how you have been acting a bit pissy lately, his friend comments it's probably just PMS and they reroute their conversation to football again.

Do we really start showing a different face couple of months into a relationship? Why are we acting so differently first couple of months in relationship and then slowly but surely masks go down. Unintentionally or not, they do start peeling off and the real you which remains should be and is good enough, with all of your flaws and small imperfections which you have been carefully hiding.

Pssss...Don’t sweat the small stuff, they don't even notice it!

Pick your battles and always say what’s on your mind –don't play games (other than those in bed) & remain honest even when there is something uncomfortable you need to share.

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. 

Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.     

 ~Oscar Wilde~

It is ok to open up and share good & bad, because that is what relationship is all about. It should be a support system during good and bad times, a cushion to fall on a shoulder to cry on & unlimited support source – even when we least deserve it.

We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.

 ~André Berthiaume, Contretemps ~

So...why not try to start with a mask off lovelies?

A gold-digger.

Definition of GOLD DIGGER  - noun

 1: one who digs for gold

2: a person who uses charm to extract money or gifts from others
Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man's bank account than she does about the man. The closest male equivalent is a gigolo or boy toy.

I wanted to write the post on this topic awhile ago until recently someone reminded me on the timelessness of this topic and term which people tend to throw around a lot as it relates to mostly women in different situations.

First, I would like to say that more and more I can think of many men fitting in above dictionary description of a term – gold-digger or maybe more politely put – conveniently in-love men.

However as it is mostly relates to women (even in a definition) I went ahead and did a little interview with a friend who proudly saids she indeed picks her boyfriends (often more at a time, but one official one) according to their financial status.

She claims that she feels flattered by their attention and gifts, she likes fancy dinners and vacation they take her to and said that she only acts like men do and sees nothing wrong in that.

First I have judged her, I admit it...but after looking at the bigger picture, I felt sorry for her. I feel sorry because I don't think she believes she deserves better, I don't think she believes she is able to take care of herself on her own and I don't think that she is happy.

Her belief that man should be used „because they are all the same, they lie and cheat“I think it’s sad. Her parents bad marriage and couple of bad relationships do not stand as a proof that all man are the same and should be punished for sins of couple of bad apples who came before them. It is taking an easy way out – and being scared to get to know a guy and maybe even fall in love with him and not his car.

All in all, a potential gold-digger should understand that – although every woman likes nice clothes, shoes & living standard, these cannot hug you back at night, and lonely feels equally lonely no matter the price of the sheets you are lying on. While with being with a man who willingly takes this kind of „treatment“ and goes with it, she gets what she deserves.

Although desirable, Gucci, Hermes, Chanel purses and clothes and expensive cars  are all seasonal, dropping in price and value starting from the day you buy them.

Did we really start measuring love in currency ladies?

What is the broken hearts worth?

"Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you need is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

~Oprah Winfrey~

Gentleman rules.

Photo: Matthew McConaughey for D&G fragrance 

Gentlemen are indeed an endangered species today. This topic is rather sensitive, so when I was discussing it with my male friends they claim that they are not acting like gentleman because many women are not acting like true ladies these days and often abuse the gentleman gestures.  

On the flip side my female friends claim that gentleman are rare to find and that it seems that being a gentleman is not “trendy” right now so many young men are very confused and not quite sure how to be a gentleman towards ladies and at the same time fit in their “wolf pack” and stay cool and macho with their friends.

As I am a lucky enough to currently be dating a gentleman, I felt like sharing a kind reminder to “Gentleman rules” in a series of posts dealing with different topics of what “being a gentleman” is all about with those men who are using a various lazy excuses not to be one, or with the ladies who choose to settle for men who are not gentlemen.

My personal opinion is the following - in order to be treated like a lady, a women must hold herself to the higher standard and act like a lady at all times, not just when convenient  – same goes for a gentleman.  The fact of life is that women are although equal to men – physically weaker gender which is if no other – good enough reason for a man to protect and help her out with at least physical tasks.

Secondly, gender, religion and all other differences and personal preferences aside we would all like to be treated with love, care and respect. So simple, eternal rules:  don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t cheat and treat others as you would like to be treated which we were all taught before the age of 5 by our parents should be applied and repeated to ourselves as mantra each morning  in front of the mirror just like our daily moisturizing cream.

Out of curiosity I would like to hear from you what does it mean for you to be a gentleman and why do you think they are threatened to instinct lovelies?

Jealousy.

Many think of jealousy as something dire,

Yet its definition saids it shows our desire,

As long as it stays within the lines,

There is no feeling it undermines.

So don’t think of it as a negative feeling,

Think of it as proof she is scared to lose you,

 And that she finds you appealing.

Maybe it’s still early and you don’t know me that well,

Maybe wrong assumptions rang that warning bell.

Why not keep our hearts open?  So if we ever share the keys,

I am sure the relationship will remain as light as the breeze.

I don’t want you to wear the sign reservada,

Our relationship shouldn’t force you to sacrifice nada.

I want you to wear my invisible hug,

To hold you tighter when you are lonely and need a snug,

To remind you I care for you even when you’re mad,

To prove to you l’ll do everything possible to never see you sad.

To know that what I am saying is honest and true,

To remind you that I am always thinking of you.