Running in new heels.

"Another Sunrise, Another New Beginning."

 Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Tomorrow is my move out day. I am lying on the bed with Papi's head on my knees, he looks a bit sad as if he know that everything is about to change for us. I have laptop in my lap and tasteless oatmeal are cooling off on my nightstand, I ran out of sugar and who buys brand new pack of sugar a day before moving out of the apartment. In the background there is an old episode of Sex & the City on TV, the one where Carrie is breaking up with Aidane because she is not ready to get married.

I didn't have a feeling of moving out until I started taking of the pictures of the walls, looking at the empty walls made me realize that I am actually leaving this place. Without my New York street art photos and my friends and boyfriend photos this place turned from being a home to just some apartment I am moving out of.

For the last couple of days my friends have been calling me to make sure we still see each other at least for a coffee before I leave, they were asking me mostly the same couple of question in regards to my move to a new country: “How did I decide to take such a big step?”, “Am I scared?” and “How do I feel about it?”

In order to please their sincere curiosity and excitement of my girls I tried to tell them about as many technical details of my move while I was at the same time repeating their questions in my head, unsure myself of what to respond. The only word that was coming to my mind was – ready. I feel ready.

I am really not worried about not being able to adapt and function in a new environment, I feel like I graduated with various survival techniques while I was studying, working and living in NYC where nobody really cares to much about how you feel....so...“since I made it here I can make it anywhere.“

Do you know that feeling when after a long night of clubbing in high heels and tight dress somewhere around 4-5 am in the morning you step into a cab or car and you take of these shoes and wiggle your toes a bit, what a great feeling right? But once the car stops you need to put those same shoes back on to walk up to the apartment and now they are to tight for your swollen feet and then it hurts, it hurts a whole lot.

This is how I feel now, I feel like it's time for me to move on, it was fun, but these shoes have become to tight. It's now time for me to get a new pair, maybe with higher thinner heel. I am sure that at the very beginning they might hurt a bit, I may have to learn to balance in them, but I am sure that soon, I will learn how to run in my new heels.

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Stress free weekend.

  

Weekend is here, hot and steamy like we are still at the summertime peek.

For the past couple of weeks I have been trying to catch up with some work assignments, covering for colleagues on vacation, and trying to heel my dog Papi’s ear infection and trying to arrange couple of free-vacation days by my boyfriends schedule I have felt quit stressed. 

   This caused my immune system to go down and I got incredible insomnia which further raised my stress levels – so I took 2 days off last week to sleep and reenergize, to do nothing at all as I thought planning to go on a trip and party with my friends would just exhaust me even more.

       Today I really took it easy. I slept in late, took my dog Papi for a long walk, had a late breakfast, refreshed my lately neglected flowers, went to meet my friend Anita for a coffee and healing power chat and finally started reading the last book my boyfriend got me “I love New York” by Lindsey Kelk.

I still feel like summer passed by me quit quickly and I still feel like I desperately need that “me time”, with no phone, no laptop or internet or “I just need this one info from you” kind of calls from the office – just some breathing space.

What do you do to relax and unwind from weekday stress lovelies?

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is

the belief that one's work is terribly important.”

~Bertrand Russell~

Life ain't no fairytale

         I was talking to a number of my female friends recently and there is a common thread in the way they talk about relationships, man and their expectations - its caution. It seems that in our age (mid twenties) we get hit with cultural expectations of finishing college, starting to work and becoming a wife and a mother. Our own expectations of having a career of our dreams, staying good looking and skinny, to continue to have careless fun as we did during college all while transitioning in the grown ups world where we are responsible for our actions and the consequences of them. While we were growing up our mothers have read us stories about often poor women being saved from evil and troubles by a handsome young rich man on a white horse who liked her because she is so young and pretty with a rosy cheeks, cooking, cleaning but being bullied by a jealous women, step sisters or an evil witch. Seriously???

             How do we expect young man and women to be prepared for a real life, heartbreak and disappointments when we are programming young women from an early age that the only way to live happily ever after is to marry a rich man and have no ambition, and putting a pressure on young boys that the only way for them to marry a good looking and kind women is to earn/inherit a lot of money and save her from all the evils. Let’s be real.

    Why don't they make children books to teach kids to respect people and treat them equally no matter how rich they are, what’s their religion or color of their skin. Create Barbie who is a single mother, successful business women and has children or Ken who is gay, black or a Muslim???

      Why don't we teach the kids not to bully others in school because they are poor, fat or have a lisp??? Being programmed with all the fairytales and protected from the reality in young age did us no good. Today when lies and cheating in relationship and marriage is more of a rule that exception it is crucial that we are prepared. Men in mid twenties often crack under pressure and lack the maturity and women seem to get so disappointed by numerous heartbreaks that they start acting like men do or on the other hand they overwhelm a man with care and attention so much that they dedicate all their time to the relationship only - which results in a pressure for a man who looks for his way out, scared of commitment and of not fulfilling her expectations.


Most of my girlfriends are in the phase I mentioned first - we act like man do now, maintaining a superficial relationship, dropping them before it becomes too serious in a fear of a heartbreak.


Their must be a better way...more balanced middle...or are we still just kissing frogs and our prince is yet to come?


Xoxo,
               Kat