Balancing it all.

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”  

Anaïs Nin

Even though I just came from a business trip, and I am quite tired after answering emails for a couple of hours now, I still did some house choirs and now, past midnight still felt a need to write this post and I am hoping to get some feedback and comments from you ladies. I really want to know, how do you do it? How do we balance it all?

No matter what your current life situation is, by being a women, somehow you are forced by the society, but also by yourself and your own expectations to balance it all: career, school, work out, make sure you always look good (yes, this takes time),your household, quality time with your boyfriend/husband (while looking good) and maybe kids if you have them. That is A LOT and yes, it can get exhausting.

“No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it.” 

 Elizabeth Peters

Recently, I had a situation where a lot of things just piled up, I was very physically and emotionally tired, there were big changes happening for me on both professional and personal side as I now moved to a new country and during this transition period I still persuaded myself that I am strong enough to cater to my boyfriend, to get his apartment in order, cook for him twice a day and continue on with my 9-forever pm work schedule which includes my job, my blog and my print column since recently, as well as some smaller tasks which I very much enjoy doing but which still take time.

Even though my boyfriend offered to help me in different ways, multiple times, I refused him without thinking because I can do it all on my own. I honestly though I could. While at the same time building up, slowly but surely resentment towards him for not being more persistent with offering to help me. This is what I realised just when I lashed out at him, saying how he doesn't try hard enough to be a good boyfriend and a gentleman, or to protect me and take care of me sometimes. The truth is, as usual, somewhere in the middle.

To a certain point in relationship, while we were still getting to know each other it was important for me that he knows that I can take care of myself in all possible ways, but that I choose to be a part of the couple, because everything is more fun, easier, more comforting and rewarding when done together. Just as he probably, really, if he loves me, needs to be more vocal about it and show me with not only words but also actions how he feels. Like he said, I should let him help me once in a while. 

Most of the times, I think him offering to help would be good enough for me, just to offer, but its not, in my busy work-life schedule, I do need him helping hand and his understanding, in better and worse.

What I really needed to realize is that I do not need to do it all by myself in order to be this great, perfect girlfriend. We could do most of the things together, or he could help me and I should take time for myself to do what I like to do, without a regret or sense of guilt, as this will make me and US happier together.

“When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.” 

Diane Von Furstenberg

Life ain't no fairytale

         I was talking to a number of my female friends recently and there is a common thread in the way they talk about relationships, man and their expectations - its caution. It seems that in our age (mid twenties) we get hit with cultural expectations of finishing college, starting to work and becoming a wife and a mother. Our own expectations of having a career of our dreams, staying good looking and skinny, to continue to have careless fun as we did during college all while transitioning in the grown ups world where we are responsible for our actions and the consequences of them. While we were growing up our mothers have read us stories about often poor women being saved from evil and troubles by a handsome young rich man on a white horse who liked her because she is so young and pretty with a rosy cheeks, cooking, cleaning but being bullied by a jealous women, step sisters or an evil witch. Seriously???

             How do we expect young man and women to be prepared for a real life, heartbreak and disappointments when we are programming young women from an early age that the only way to live happily ever after is to marry a rich man and have no ambition, and putting a pressure on young boys that the only way for them to marry a good looking and kind women is to earn/inherit a lot of money and save her from all the evils. Let’s be real.

    Why don't they make children books to teach kids to respect people and treat them equally no matter how rich they are, what’s their religion or color of their skin. Create Barbie who is a single mother, successful business women and has children or Ken who is gay, black or a Muslim???

      Why don't we teach the kids not to bully others in school because they are poor, fat or have a lisp??? Being programmed with all the fairytales and protected from the reality in young age did us no good. Today when lies and cheating in relationship and marriage is more of a rule that exception it is crucial that we are prepared. Men in mid twenties often crack under pressure and lack the maturity and women seem to get so disappointed by numerous heartbreaks that they start acting like men do or on the other hand they overwhelm a man with care and attention so much that they dedicate all their time to the relationship only - which results in a pressure for a man who looks for his way out, scared of commitment and of not fulfilling her expectations.


Most of my girlfriends are in the phase I mentioned first - we act like man do now, maintaining a superficial relationship, dropping them before it becomes too serious in a fear of a heartbreak.


Their must be a better way...more balanced middle...or are we still just kissing frogs and our prince is yet to come?


Xoxo,
               Kat