Balancing it all.

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”  

Anaïs Nin

Even though I just came from a business trip, and I am quite tired after answering emails for a couple of hours now, I still did some house choirs and now, past midnight still felt a need to write this post and I am hoping to get some feedback and comments from you ladies. I really want to know, how do you do it? How do we balance it all?

No matter what your current life situation is, by being a women, somehow you are forced by the society, but also by yourself and your own expectations to balance it all: career, school, work out, make sure you always look good (yes, this takes time),your household, quality time with your boyfriend/husband (while looking good) and maybe kids if you have them. That is A LOT and yes, it can get exhausting.

“No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it.” 

 Elizabeth Peters

Recently, I had a situation where a lot of things just piled up, I was very physically and emotionally tired, there were big changes happening for me on both professional and personal side as I now moved to a new country and during this transition period I still persuaded myself that I am strong enough to cater to my boyfriend, to get his apartment in order, cook for him twice a day and continue on with my 9-forever pm work schedule which includes my job, my blog and my print column since recently, as well as some smaller tasks which I very much enjoy doing but which still take time.

Even though my boyfriend offered to help me in different ways, multiple times, I refused him without thinking because I can do it all on my own. I honestly though I could. While at the same time building up, slowly but surely resentment towards him for not being more persistent with offering to help me. This is what I realised just when I lashed out at him, saying how he doesn't try hard enough to be a good boyfriend and a gentleman, or to protect me and take care of me sometimes. The truth is, as usual, somewhere in the middle.

To a certain point in relationship, while we were still getting to know each other it was important for me that he knows that I can take care of myself in all possible ways, but that I choose to be a part of the couple, because everything is more fun, easier, more comforting and rewarding when done together. Just as he probably, really, if he loves me, needs to be more vocal about it and show me with not only words but also actions how he feels. Like he said, I should let him help me once in a while. 

Most of the times, I think him offering to help would be good enough for me, just to offer, but its not, in my busy work-life schedule, I do need him helping hand and his understanding, in better and worse.

What I really needed to realize is that I do not need to do it all by myself in order to be this great, perfect girlfriend. We could do most of the things together, or he could help me and I should take time for myself to do what I like to do, without a regret or sense of guilt, as this will make me and US happier together.

“When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.” 

Diane Von Furstenberg

Running in new heels.

"Another Sunrise, Another New Beginning."

 Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Tomorrow is my move out day. I am lying on the bed with Papi's head on my knees, he looks a bit sad as if he know that everything is about to change for us. I have laptop in my lap and tasteless oatmeal are cooling off on my nightstand, I ran out of sugar and who buys brand new pack of sugar a day before moving out of the apartment. In the background there is an old episode of Sex & the City on TV, the one where Carrie is breaking up with Aidane because she is not ready to get married.

I didn't have a feeling of moving out until I started taking of the pictures of the walls, looking at the empty walls made me realize that I am actually leaving this place. Without my New York street art photos and my friends and boyfriend photos this place turned from being a home to just some apartment I am moving out of.

For the last couple of days my friends have been calling me to make sure we still see each other at least for a coffee before I leave, they were asking me mostly the same couple of question in regards to my move to a new country: “How did I decide to take such a big step?”, “Am I scared?” and “How do I feel about it?”

In order to please their sincere curiosity and excitement of my girls I tried to tell them about as many technical details of my move while I was at the same time repeating their questions in my head, unsure myself of what to respond. The only word that was coming to my mind was – ready. I feel ready.

I am really not worried about not being able to adapt and function in a new environment, I feel like I graduated with various survival techniques while I was studying, working and living in NYC where nobody really cares to much about how you feel....so...“since I made it here I can make it anywhere.“

Do you know that feeling when after a long night of clubbing in high heels and tight dress somewhere around 4-5 am in the morning you step into a cab or car and you take of these shoes and wiggle your toes a bit, what a great feeling right? But once the car stops you need to put those same shoes back on to walk up to the apartment and now they are to tight for your swollen feet and then it hurts, it hurts a whole lot.

This is how I feel now, I feel like it's time for me to move on, it was fun, but these shoes have become to tight. It's now time for me to get a new pair, maybe with higher thinner heel. I am sure that at the very beginning they might hurt a bit, I may have to learn to balance in them, but I am sure that soon, I will learn how to run in my new heels.

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

Ralph Waldo Emerson