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utorak, 22. ožujka 2011.

Growing balls.



After dating a guy who was much better with using his balls in his profession than in private life, pardon my language. It took me quit a while to even give a benefit of a doubt to another balls carrier.

As I guess any recently emotionally wounded girl I thought I would play it safe at least for starters and to go with the type I know I like. Ouu boy was I wrong. Ladies, take it from me, the physical strength and size (height) of a guy rarely EVER corresponds with his “machoness”, just on a contrary – it rarely ever does. So here I am – learning this lesson for the God knows which time over again: The bigger the man – the smaller the balls (not literary of course, but sometimes literary to).

Therefore, I “wisely” concluded at the age of 26 – In this day and age, young women have evolved in a way that we will sooner grow balls then they (men) would utilize theirs.

If you look at what is all expected from us, and here, I am talking for real, no feminist talk, is to pace ourselves daily in order not to act and/or look like a gold-digger – because that would mean that women would focus on her looks only with a mission to merry a rich man and completely disregard her own needs for intellectual or spiritual and social development, acting inferior to boost his macho – which is just wrooong and man would feel totally used.



Secondly, we should not go into other “extreme” and be more successful than the certain bal-less individual – cause this would make him feel inferior and in no way macho man in front of others, and would totally conflict with his animalistic instinct of being sole food and security provider for the family.

Now you are thinking, maybe I should be somewhere in the middle and have a job, but not a carrier so I can look good and take care of the family and maybe then he will have balls to be a real man…but nooo, noup. Then you see – you might become boring and predictable, being with you would be too safe and you would never leave him – so he would go out and play a little – and would go to try out his “machoness” with someone else.


After careful analysis and hearing of similar experiences from my girlfriends, I have concluded I am not going to play the games and act the society labeled rolls, not any of them. In order to stay true to myself, I am not ready to take on yet another role and grow the balls myself to be a part of a relationship. Although open-minded and social as I am, I am starting to build a career and I have a job I love –but I am not a “career women”. I can be an amazing cook and I actually enjoy cleaning and doing some stuff around the house – but I am not ready to be labeled as a “housewife”. Also, I do spend a lot of money on myself, I do love expensive clothes and going to fancy places – but I am not ready or willing to take on a role of a “gold-digger” and use this as a condition when selecting a guy I would like to date.

So dear bal-less men out there, please understand, we are physically weaker gender, and yes we can do it all on our own really, but we shouldn’t have to, we should not have to take the initiative for every single thing in life and guide you through life while at the same time pacing ourselves not to make you feel inferior, so please step up and be men. Take the lead, not because it is expected – but because it should come naturally. Relationship is a two way street, so rather than observing celebrities and athletes – look at your fathers and grandfathers and look at the gentleman gestures most of them are doing. You got them, you were born with them – use them.

So ladies, did you grow your balls yet? ;)

Photobucket

utorak, 27. listopada 2009.

The girl & the baby




27th October,2009.

There is this girl I know. Smart girl, emotional girl, successful girl,naive girl. Sad girl. Pregnant girl.

Recently this girl has found out she was five weeks pregnant just after a relationship break up.

First she was panicking,didn't sleep for days, she felt scared and hopeless, wasn't sure if and how to break the news to her ex. Than after screaming: "You liar!" at the 4th clear blue line positive pregnancy test, she went to see a doctor and had an ultrasound where doctor showed her this little peanut creature, at first she said she couldn't even find it on the screen so doctor had to circle him on the paper.
Now it is not such a little peanut anymore and is slowly but surly growing, has fingers and toes and all.

The doctor advised her to break the news to the father. She was gathering the courage to do it for days, and finally did it. At first he thought it was all a joke, first he was shocked, than scared, than a bit positive and than finally insulting and selfish, negative and hateful.He was mostly consumed with himself and about what will others say about it all, he did not ask her if she is ok, if she is scared, if she needs something.
Lastly, he called her to tell her he doesn't love her, to tell her he wants' to forget it all and move on with a new women who can "make him happy".

In the meantime she didn't tell a soul about it, two of us, her best friends know about the baby and are trying to be there for her as much as possible, and we know although every day she puts her brave smile on and keeps going, she is shaking inside.

On her way to the clinic, rushing from work she takes couple of deep breaths and right in front of the door before she walks in, she forces herself to stretch a big smile over her face and cheerfully saids hi to the receptionist.

Every time she goes to this fancy clinic, she sees couples excitedly holding hands, some fighting about the name or baby room color, some are visibly scared and sitting a chair apart...but they are all in couples, nobody looking perfectly happy or ready, but still they are all there together.

And than there is she. Sitting alone with the right hand instinctively on her stomach protecting the baby - as if she is telling him, hang in there little one, we will be ok.

The doctor is not making it easier on her either asking all these questions "Ouuuu this is going to be a gorgeous baby...real fighter, daddy is probably really excited! How come he did not came here with you?" and than the girl lies and saids: "He is just real busy, working and traveling a lot,has big career! He is really excited! Can't wait!"

By the end of the ultrasound, she feels the need for some fresh air...she dresses real quick keeps her smile while the elevator door closes and than breaks down and cries all the way home. She just needs a hug and somebody to tell her she is not alone and that everything is going to be alright.

The girl comes home...showers for hours thinking water will wash out all of the memories of him, all of his kisses, hugs, promises, his love, plans for the future together, his cheating, her mistakes, his lies, all of the fights...and make it all ok again, but that doesn't happen.

Next morning she dressed for work, pulls on a dark loose sweater and a big bright smile, holds her head high and bravely walks out.

xoxo

Kat