El hogar es donde esta el corazon....

The worst thing about going away 

is fighting every little piece of me which just wants to stay.

The hardest thing to do 

is leaving without being sure that giving my all is good enough for you.

The worst thing is the day before, 
when sadness silently floats around the room, 

next morning you come home to an empty house and can still smell around what's left of my perfume.

All the feelings which are left unsaid 

keep spinning around in different forms in my head.

While I am walking towards the plane 

trying to silence my heart and listen to my brain...

...I kind of wonder where is home?

….with you where my heart is …or there where I’m from….

I'm 27 today and this is what I learned so far...

Today is my 27^th birthday, last five or six years I have spent living in several countries, continents, states and my birthday celebrations weren’t all that, so after a while I have kind of stopped celebrating my B-day all together, as there is always something more important going on, however since about 24^th birthday I tend to stop that day despite my extremely hectic and fast pace of life and look back on the year behind me.

So, what have I learned from my last birthday, or what has life confirmed to me to hold true:

Say what you feel, when you feel it, don’t assume other person knows it …as hearts are often broken by the words left unspoken.

Forgive and let go….I learned that people will hurt you as long and as often you let them and as hard as you allow it. The pain will last as long as you don’t forgive, and when you do it, then you set yourself free and you are able to move on. People almost never hurt you because they are just mean; they most often hurt you because they are scared or because they are to weak to say what is on their mind.

It's ok to be alone....There are some things in life (often some of the heardest) that you need to go through alone, where not even your friends and family can hold or talk you through it and that is ok. It is important for you to learn your own limits, to feel the pain. You need to get over it alone and grow from it and become stronger because of it. The moment when you accept yourself and learn about who you are, and love yourself, you can trully love and be there for someone else.

Appreciate what/who you have while you have it…this is one of the things I learned to do with some people. I learned to appreciate and enjoy the moment I am with someone, I learned that each day is a blessing and that sometimes there is no second chances, especially in love. Learn to recognize it, appreciate it, give it back and enjoy it while you have it, don’t take it for granted and cherish it to maintain it. True love doesn't happen often.

Don’t judge people…You don’t know their story…Judging and stereotyping a person is the easiest and the laziest thing to do. In order to give a person a chance, maybe to gain a lifelong friend, you need to listen more than you talk, do it without assuming things, judging or interfering, trying to put yourself in that persons shoes, learn to accept the person as he or she is, with all the positives and the negatives about them... and then be there for them, and let them be there for you.

Smile a lot…even when you feel down, supposedly stretching your face into a smile automatically triggers your brain to start releasing happy hormones, and smile is the only gift that is totally free and it makes a person giving it and person receiving it feels good.

Stand for something….even when you are the only one whose opinion differs, if you have facts to support it and you fully believe in it, defend it, and sell it, make it happened and make a difference. Don’t fall into routine and be satisfied with being average... take some risks when it matters.

What are some of the thighs life has taught you lovelies? Care to share?

What's love got to do with it?

         The reason why I describe my blog as a line of love and a line of passion is my belief that one writes when one has extreme emotions about something/someone. Such emotions I have mostly about two things: man and fashion.

  As described in one of my past lines of love. I have been dating a couple of  man recently and kind of just getting to know them. After a while, only one remained as a constant in my life. 


However, the one who remained was the only one I haven't been taking seriously all along.

   From the beginning I prepared myself for a casual dating - friendship kind of thing and slowly have gotten to know him in a different light. I came to admire his courage, dedication, intelligence, growth and ambitions. I have developed a care for him, a need to protect him and to help him with what he would like to accomplish for himself in any way I can, because I really believe he deserves it all and more after what he has been through in life.

 First time I realized that was when we haven't spoke for a few days and I got so worried that I had a really bad dream about something happening to him and woke up crying like a baby.

At the same time, for the first time in a long time, despite his couple of key flaws, I felt safe, protected and understood. He seems to share my point of view in many things, my ambition, business sense, goals and unique, sarcastic and random, kind of stupid sense of humor.

    From nowhere, it came to me, I got hitched. 

After couple of bad dates with couple of good man, and more then a couple of poor excuses to myself why they are so wrong for me, I realized that I care for that one guy more than I have originally planned to, worst of all, I can't seem to make it go away. Now I am clueless about what to do.

 Since I realized this, I am avoiding him and ignoring this feeling which I can't seem to rationally explain, knowing the reality of the situation I am in. Although wrong on so many levels at the same time it seems to be most natural thing ever, while there is no choice for me to make. No choice at all.

Xoxo,


   Kat


        

 " The heart is forever inexperienced."

      

Love is calling

Now...how often do we use our phone? It’s like our life line right? Yesterday I forgot my cell at home and figured it out far to late to go back and get it, I was rushing to the meeting and while driving to work looked for it to check my emails and it was nowhere to be found...Shit! I thought!

I started panicking and hyperventilating as if I would die in a matter of seconds if I don’t find it. I was so freaked out my hands started shaking.Next, I started to think how big of a mess I am in life...so missing that one little object which makes me easily accessible to all who needs me 24-7 was making me so depressed , that I have started to question my very existence and life’s purpose?!

Naturally...within next 30 minutes I calmed down...took a several deep breathes and realized what an awfully big and thick wall I built and now I am hiding behind it, the wall of my work and the wall of busyness. Did I really think that if I don’t pick up my phone that the huge multinational gigantic company would just go bankrupt and disappear...damn I really must be very "important".

Seriously, think about it...what is that you do that it is soooo important that human kind would just not be the same if you would stop doing it? Don’t we all sometimes get consumed into our work and "importance" and "seriousness" of it that we actually forget to live and just work, we became machines, didn’t we?

Romantic and bohemian that I am, I got consumed into thinking about the emotional mess I am in right now....or better say, emptiness. I became iron lady, a stone heart.

If considering the metaphor of making a phone call, what do we do when love calls?

At first, I used to be the one calling The Love. The Love did not pick up, somebody else took his place, he was not who I fell in love more than a year ago now. I tried to call The Love many times again; the one who answeres is usually angry and rude. He is not The Love I used to know, I do not recognize my Love's voice any longer. The Love I used to know was warm and funny. He used to haul in the middle of the street, gave me great hugs, laugh at my morning confusion, listened well, played word games, he loved my cooking and did this weird and cute move (for which he thought it was dancing), my Love loved me, I called him my hunk, he said I was his lady.

I loved that Love. His number is no longer in service.

Now, the Loves are calling from couple of different numbers, I am afraid to answer and say Hello. This Loves are different and unfamiliar loves. The Love that is calling me is not my Love. I used to keep looking at a phone while ringing, it was some weird number, I closed my eyes, hoping that when I open them I am going to recognize my Love's number.

Noup, it stayed the same, it just kept ringing. I used to do that a lot when I was a little girl, when I was angry at somebody I used to close my eyes real tight and hope the person would disappear...it did not work than either, and it doesn't work now. It happened only once when I kept my eyes closed really long at my mum, that she went to answer the door bell and I thought the magic happened and she disappeared, imagine my disappointment when she walked back into my room minutes later.

Anyways...I picked up the phone after all but I didn’t say a word. This New Love said he wants to be my Love....he is ok with the fact that I am quite and listening only...not quit ready to speak...his voice is unfamiliar and it doesn’t give me butterflies, it doesn’t make me warm inside....his voice is kind, he doesn’t promise that he will heel me, but he is ready to try and he keeps on talking to me...every time I hang up, he calls back...he cares.

Should I speak up and say a word, let him try to be my Love, my new Love? Or should I just tell him he dialed a wrong number?

Am I going to recognise the voice of the Love that is My Love ever again or will I keep picking up without saying a word?

~Kat~