BOOK REVIEW: "Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali

For discussion of this book we selected the charming little cafe Amelie in Zagreb which I previously wrote about here. Lucija, Diana, Anita met in person, while Armina who lives in Sarajevo joined in later during the group discussion.


"Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali is written in two parts. First part tells the story of Ayaan's childhood while second part tells the story of her escape from a forced marriage and the brutal militant Islam regime in Somalia. 

In second part, Ayaan shares her wonder of arriving in modernity of Netherlands, and her relentless effort to create a productive, independent life for herself. An outspoken advocate of the rights of Muslim women, she was elected to the Dutch parliament in 2003. Ayaan became a notorious critic of Islam, at one point daring to call the Prophet Muhammad a pervert for consummating marriage with one of his many wives when she was only nine years old.

In 2004, she made a short film called Submission: Part 1 in which she depicted women mistreated under Islamic law raising their heads and refusing to submit any longer. Tragically, the film’s producer, Theo van Gogh, was brutally murdered by an offended Muslim, who left on van Gogh’s body a letter threatening Ayaan to kill her. 

Since 2004, Ayaan has had to live under the constant protection of bodyguards, often going into hiding for months at a time, currently she lives in US.

"At the time Christian charismatics were no less aggressive then the radical Muslims. Maybe people were just holding on for what was comforting and safe." - Ayaan Hirsi Ali (page 108)

MOST MEMORABLE MOMENTS

On the photo: Anita and Diana

Anita liked the way in which this book was written. It was easy to follow the story and relate to the feelings author wanted to portray, however she didn't like the part where Ayaan started to impose her political opinions towards the end of the book. 

Lucija pointed out how this book made her question her religious believes. She always considered herself to be quite liberal towards other religions, but she never took time to better investigate Islam as a religion. She wasn’t aware of the fact that radical Islamist separate themselves in their own communities when living in a foreign country, not for the sake of nurturing their religion and culture, but due to the fact that they consider other none-Muslims filthy.

Katarina - for me, the most memorable text in the book were last 10 pages where Ayaan fairly states that her giving up the faith is her private decision, she doesn't thinks all Muslim women should do it, she thinks Islam is a religion in which some of the practices need to be taken with reserve and not literary and they should be adopted to liberal democracy and the reality of living in 21st. century. To be perfectly fair, I think this should be done with Catholicism as well (women to be able to become priests, Church should be paying taxes etc.)

Lucija was also intrigued by the moment in the book when Ayaan came to asylum in Netherlands and was surprise to see how different then her Bosnian Muslims are.

Diana was particularly shocked when she learned that excision (genital mutilation) is still happening in radical Muslim communities not only in third world countries but also in communities stationed in Western European countries. 

UNDERSTANDING OF ISLAM

On the photo: Anita

Diana pointed out that the negative connotations of Islam for Westerners often come from the fear of unknown.  Diana considers herself Catholic but she is against many of the things Catholic Church preaches and has done in the past.

Armina, who is a Muslim from Bosnia, who survived a war in Bosnia, understands and practices her religion in modern and peaceful way said that she has negative opinion on the topics as the one discussed in this book. She thinks this book is politically motivated as many other books against Islam in the last 10 years and gives completely wrong picture of Islam as a religion to people who know nothing or little about it.  Armina thinks Ayaan’s descriptions are over exaggerated and sensationalized with the goal of making Islam look bad, focusing on self-promotion and selling the book.

Anita commented that she respects the different opinions of this book but she still highly recommends it and thinks it is a very motivating and intriguing female life story. Even if Ayaan has after escaping to Europe from a Somalia managed to do all she did: to educate herself and bravely speak up on sensitive subjects, consequently earning money from this book, so be it, good for her.

Katarina - the second time I started reading this book I also got the Quaran in English and the Bible to read in parallel, where I saw that indeed many of the verses from both books if taken literary as radical leaders take them in order to manipulate with poor, hungry and uneducated masses in the countries without real government leadership can be extremely violent and deadly, as these people are used and manipulated by a small group as an army of mortuaries. 

"No book is completely holly, the problem arises when the secret books are taken as absolute. Muslims should us their free will when understanding what is written in Quran. In the Quran, Alah calls himself benign and remorseful and a number of times He mentions that he has given us a free will. In comparison to Judaism and Catholicism, in Islam a penance to Allah."  

 writes Ayaan

This is what I think is now happening in the Middle East and in some other third world countries. I agree with Ayaan when she saids that Islam in majority of Muslim countries now in the world (in terms of population size) did't go through the reformation and enlightenment but is practiced the same as in 7th or 8th century, and these practices do not belong to 21st century.

     Armina thinks that Ayaan’s horrific childhood molestation and mutilation have more to do with the third world African culture where she is raised then with the true meaning and the practice of Islam as a religion in general. 

Armina points out that those who are the strongest critics of Islam mostly haven’t even read the Quran and  investigated the religion in depth. She finds it sad that people are blaming and stereotyping all of the Muslims according to terrorist deeds of Muslim extremists, she saids that this would be the same as if she would blame the Serbs as a nation for the deeds of the Serbs who attacked her country - Bosnia.

On the photo: Lucija

Lucija concludes that although she is a Catholic she doesn’t believe in Catholic Church – Vatican, but she believes in God and the community of people with same believes who are "The Church" in her eyes.

"Why are infidels enjoying the life in peace in democracy while we - true Muslim nations, are killing each other when we are the ones who are respecting the God in the right way?" 

 asks Ayaan in the book (page 269) 

WOMEN IN ISLAM

Armina points out that the base of every religion (Islam as well) is not to hurt any other live being (man, women, child) no matter where and how in the world religion is to be practiced.  Armina pointed out the verse from Islam refering to the way man should treat women (which I also found) which saids: "The Best Among You, Is The Best To his Wife".


 Ayaan compares relationship between God and human in Islam as a relationship of a master and a slave and saids that Quran is written by a human and not God (which also goes for Bible). She claims that Islam as she knows it is taking all of the human rights from women.

The most memorable and suitable quote from the book for Anita was comparison of Muslim women with the birds in the cage who are still afraid to fly out to the freedom even when you wide open the doors of their cage.

"Each value I learned from Islam taught me to put myself last.

"Allah said that men must beat his wives if they do not obey, this is written in Quran." 

writes Ayaan (page 293)

CONCLUSION

Overall, the book “Infidel” is definitely eye-opening and shocking, especially for those of us with a narrow knowledge of Muslim culture and Islam as a religion. It is hard for us to distinguish the elements of radical vs. more modern Islam practices.

We have agreed that the women who are currently going through the suffering which Ayaan went through while living in Somalia and Middle East in her childhood are probably unfortunately unable to get in contact with this book and read through Ayaan’s experience and maybe find  motivation to follow Ayaan’s example. 

Most of the ladies agreed that this book should be viewed as memoirs of emancipation of a very determined and strong woman who is trying to fight her way from what looks like the end of the world to a modern civilization where she can be the owner and a tailor of her own destiny.

Did you had a chance to read the "Infidel" ladies? What is your opinion on it? 

You can find out more about the La Passion pour la Fashion book club here and read more about the ladies in this exclusive club here. For more photos from this meeting check out our photo gallery. You can see the book we are currently reading in the right column of the blog and are welcome to read along with us and later comment on the book by adding comments to our reviews.

BOOK REVIEW: "Elegance" by Kathleen Tessaro

“Elegance is a sort of harmony that rather resembles beauty, 

with the difference that the beauty is more often a gift of nature and elegance the result of art. Elegance is rare in the modern world, largely because it requires precision, attention to detail, and the careful development of a delicate taste in all forms of manners and style. In short, it does not come easily to most women and never will.”

This is the second book titled Elegance which I read in the last 3 years. My friends often tease me that I have a funny way of picking books (based on the way the cover looks). Ok, it's true that I gravitate towards fancy font, pink colored, girly covers which mostly means that I go for so called chic-lit tittles.

The first book titled Elegance by madame Genevieve Antoine Dariaux I purchased on a yard sales when I lived in Towson, Maryland and went to many yard sales with a lovely lady who I babysat for at the time- Mrs.Deb.

When I came home I parked it at the shelf and didn't get to read it until I moved to NYC to work in fashion industry. I can say, without exaggeration that this book positively contributed to my transition from a young lady to a women, in that particularly sensitive age from teen years to twenties. This book is a complete guide for woman who wants to be well and properly dressed for every occasion, it is a true style bible. 

The second book titled Elegance by Kathleen Tessaro is inspired by the original Elegance by French madame Genevieve Antoine Dariaux. It is an interesting and witty real life trial and interpretation of Dariaux's style rules from the original book written in the 1960's  by an English lady author Kathleen Tessaro.

I highly recommend you to read this book so I will not tell you how it ends.At first, I felt sorry for the main character Louise Canova, she reminded me very much on a Bridget Jones type of girl, so I had some prejudices as such character is a polar opposite of my own personality. However, as I continued to read, I started feeling as I was her friend, she pulled me into her story and I could relate on many situation she was going through, despite our character differences. I was very proud of her at the end of the book. :)

Here is a short video summary of the book by Kathleen Tessaro herself. 

Next, I would like to share a couple of my favorite quotes and style rules from madame Genevieve Antoine Dariaux which I memorized and have continued to ensure myself into as I go through my life adventure, so I hope these help you lovelies as well.

"Being beautiful is no guarantee of happiness in this world. 

Strive instead for elegance, grace and style."

“To be elegant is first of all to know oneself, 

and to know oneself well requires a certain amount of reflection and intelligence.”

"Refuse to be seduced by anything that isn't first rate!"

"When comfort becomes an end in itself, it is the Public Enemy Number One of elegance."

"Always shop alone. Women who shop with their friends may be popular, 

but elegant they are NOT."

"Underwear. Do not confuse beautiful lingerie, the kind that supports well and remains fresh, with the cheap, vulgar stuff of men's magazines. Fascinating? I'm certain. But elegant it is NOT."

"I Heart New York" by Lindsey Kelk {book review}

“I waved down a lit cab. He swerved dramatically towards me and stopped inches from my Louboutins. Shoe-icide, a fate worse than death”

Lindsey Kelk, I Heart New York

This is the last book review I am going to write on my own as the next ones will probably be more fun as they will feature views and opinions of seven very different ladies of La Passion pour la Fashion bookclub, which I am very much looking forward to.

        I think such reviews will give you more detailed and more objective perspective then mine alone, so you will be in a better position to decide if you as well might want to read the book we are reviewing.

It is funny that I got this book from my boyfriend because although he lives in Spain, and doesn’t mind traveling and living in different countries as it is the part of his job description he is not at all keen of living in US. 

        However he knows how much living and working in NYC has impacted and shaped me as a person I am and he knows what I feel for this grand City so he after all (based on pretty pink girly covers and short resume on the back) picked up this book for me, he guessed right, I loved it!

Other than being quite easy to read as most of the chic-lit books the way Lindsey Kelk writes is so so funny that I was definitely laughing out loud in public transportation and at home while reading it (at home this looks much less awkward obviously).

The story revolves around fabulous British girl Angela who gets cheated on by her cowardly husband to be – but obviously it won’t happen after all, not to mention that her best friend knew about it all along so she does something unthinkable – runs away from the whole situation or does she actually takes some space to look at the whole situation from the different perspective, to finally start the life she wants and deserves? 

This is for you to decide once you read it J

I will share with you two thoughts I took away from the book which spoke to me and which I found particularly to be truthful as I myself have experienced something similar but in reverse order, NYC to Zagreb.

1.   You don’t go to New York to become a better you, you go there to find a new you, the City does changes you forever.

“People go to LA to "find themselves", 

they come to New York to become someone new.”

Lindsey Kelk, I Heart New York

2.   Shopping cannot heal the broken heart. Shopping will get you things to make you look better, looking better will help you feel better about the way you look but until you learn how to really love and care about yourself you will not be able to love another person.

“A break up is the closest thing to bereavement”

Lindsey Kelk, I Heart New York

My story which frightfully so matches the Angela’s, you can read through in my older posts:

- Who is your pillar

- The Solution

- The funny thing called love

- Letting go

- Love pacer

- After the storm has passed

- Anybody like nobody

Other than being absolutely hilarious read, I would recommend this book to any girl who is going through tough time in life, be it in love or work, it will definitely inspire and encourage you! 

Also, at the very end of the book you can find wonderful (and based on my experience living in NYC very true) recommendations of best places to visit, where to eat and in which hotels to stay while visiting.

You can buy this amazing book in few clicks for very little money in La Passion pour la Fashion bookstore.

“If you didn't feel like your support system was strong enough, then getting yourself out of the situation was the best thing to do.”

Lindsey Kelk, I Heart New York

Introducing the lovely ladies of the La Passion pour la Fashion bookclub!

It is a true privilege for me to finally introduce you to 8 ladies of La Passion pour la Fashion exclusive book club! 

This selected group of outstandingly successful, smart, confident, independent young and beautiful ladies meets once a month to discuss the book we have together selected for that month favorite read. 

As you can see by their short profile all of these ladies have something in common: they know what they want, no matter the function they love to work, enjoy what they do and are the best at it, they all innovate and search for new opportunities to enrich their lives. They are open for something new; they seize the opportunities life presents to them and are not afraid to take risks. These ladies are anything but ordinary, very similar but so different.

This is how our book selection will be as well, we will continue to explore different genres and comparing our views of the same book all during pleasant ladies only gatherings in the comfort of one of our homes or the loveliest little cafés our city has to offer all while drinking steamy cocoa, coffee or glass of wine and committing some serious chocolate sins with cafés most rich pastries!

I hope you continue to follow this developing adventure of ours!  I will post our book reviews last week of every month, highlighting each ladies comment and point of view. Hopefully many of you will be able to get inspired by, relate to our girly meetings, book reviews and personal stories and read and comment some good books with us!

"If a woman is sufficiently ambitious, determined and gifted 

- there is practically nothing she can't do."

Helen Lawrenson

BOOK REVIEW:"Why men don't listen & women can't read maps"

        Recently I finally finished reading the #1 International bestseller “Why men don’t listen & women can’t read maps” written by a married couple Allan & Barbara Pease.  Ironically enough, I got this book (as many others) from my boyfriend who also reads a lot and I was surprised when he got me a “none chic-lit” book which I usually read for leisure.

I absolutely recommend every man and women to read this book which is scientifically based but written in a way that is easy to read and based on internationally ran scientific: physiological and sociological researches conducted over couple of decades by the two authors.

“The equality of men and women is a political or moral issue;

The essential difference is a scientific one.”

Here are some of the lessons I took from reading this book and will try to apply or fun facts I will try to remember when dealing with men in my life in order to have a better communication with them.

Women have wider peripheral vision, men have tunnel vision.

This is why men are so obvious when turning around after a hot girl, in fact women look at man just as much but their vision allow them to do it without turning their head. Men needed tunnel vision in order to hunt for the food, while women developed a peripheral vision in order to notice if other animals were a threat to her home and her babies.

On long trips, men should drive at night and women drive in the day.

Researches show that women are much safer drivers but have more minor accidents; interesting fact is that these accidents happen mostly during PMS period.

Men can mentally separate their problems and put them on hold. Women can’t stop thinking about and analyzing them. A woman will verbalize a series of items out loud in random order, listing all the options and possibilities.

Male brains are highly compartmentalized and they have the ability to separate and store the information. At the end of the day, a man is able to turn off and close the drawers. The female brain doesn’t have that ability, we keep running and processing the problems round and around in our heads. In order to solve them, women talks, not with intention to find a conclusion or solve them but to discharge them. Men get confused here, because when a woman presents him with a problem – he assumes this is because she wants him to solve it.

Talking to each other & relationship rules:

• When a man is silent, it’s easy for a woman to start feeling unloved.
•  The first rule of talking to a man: Keep it simple! Give him only one thing at a time to think about.
• If a woman is talking to you a lot, she likes you. If she’s not talking to you, you’re in trouble.
• To get a man to listen, give him advance notice and provide an agenda.
• If a woman is unhappy in her relationship, she can’t concentrate on her work. If a man is unhappy at work, he can’t focus on his relationship.
• Women recognize when love doesn’t exist. That’s why they’re much more proactive in finishing the relationships.

At the end, it is very important to acknowledge these differences in order to be able to have a good relationship with your partner. Men want power, achievement and sex. Women want relationships, stability and love. Many of these differences we knew on subconscious level, but we really need to acknowledge them in order to understand our partner. 

Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: 

How We're Different and What to Do About It

                                          

BOOK REVIEW:"Full Blast" by J.Evanovich & C.Hughes

Today is the day17 . of my prolonged stay in Croatia.


Update on "La Situation Miserable"

Bad stuff: 2 bad interviews the day after arrival, cancelled vacation plans, expired passport and awkward situation with some of my friends.


Good stuff : interview scheduled for tomorrow and analytical testing for P&G on Monday(WOHOO). My new passport will be done before the end of the month. My boyfriend is coming to visit in seven days. I read two books in past two days. I got inspired by one of the books I read and got an idea for starting my own business. I also discovered my love for French chansons & Édith Piaf.


"Full Blast"




The book I finished yesterday (the only one I saved out of my library left in US) "Full Blast" by Janet Evanovich & Charlotte Hughes is just what I needed to get me out of my "Attitude Miserable" and to get me going.

"Full Blast" is a steamy romantic adventure which will make your fingers hurt from speedily turning the pages. It is truly a one breath read. Not only this book made me laugh out loud, it also evoked many familiar feelings in me when it comes to family issues and romantic relationships. Jamie's (main character) fears and doubts of falling in love, commitment and letting oneself be lead by heart while risking of getting hurt, definitely hit home on so many levels.

I really believe that a girls heart can go through just as much before it breaks. Than, it heals again and covers itself with this glossy protective shield which makes it appear healthy, shinny and new from outside, and the girl moves on and lets it shine for somebody all over again.

However, when the second heartbreak happens, not only it starts beating slower, but the glossy shield breaks into tinniest pieces which than pierce the already tired and slowly beating heart and damage it to beyond repair.

Now, all this might seem just a bit over the top and dramatic, but I am PO-SI-TI-VE that this is what really happens to the girls heart.

So, all of you girls out there do be careful and doubtful, but first, go all out, take that first risk, let your heart get hurt and heal once if needed. Let it build its delicate shield and let yourself be lead by your heart, because it will detect that One person who will be mesmerized by its shine. That person, is the same person capable of breaking the shield and causing a heartbreak. But, if He doesn't.... than... Fireworks.

With Love.

~Kat

MOVIE REVIEW: Virgin Queen

During the week, my boyfriend and I don't get to do much together since we are both working crazy hours. The little time we do spend together we do something that does not require a lot of physical activity. Yesterday we have seen a movie "Elizabeth, The Golden Age".

Queen Elizabeth was also known as a "Virgin Queen". Although the name is self explanatory, she indeed was a virgin, she never married and she was the last monarch of her dynasty and was known by what is considered the greatest military win in British history when she defeated the Spanish armada in 1588. Elizabeth claimed that she was married to her "people" and she was focused on serving her nation, especially in the fields of art, drama and seafaring prowess of English adventurers.

The movie reminded me on the conversation I had with one of my Turkish friends as we were returning back to University from clubbing in the City, and I remembered how shocked (although tired and partially intoxicated) I was by his views on sex and relationship. I do not remember how this conversation came about. It might have been his unsuccessful attempt of flirting with me or even just a conversation starter.
What I do remember though is that I was absolutely flabbergasted when I found out that he was dating a women and having sex with her but was expecting to marry a virgin. Also, he claimed to prefer a women he was currently sleeping with as well as the one he chooses to marry later to be of a Turkish origin.
Logically, my train of thought was following ....if all the Turkish man are having sex before the marriage, and all the Turkish women are waiting to get married to have sex, who are the Turkish man having sex with?
Are they traveling internationally to satisfy their "manly needs" or is there a divide between the women in Turkey that are virgins, and those that are "sinners" and having sex prior to marriage with no chance of "tying the not".
Next, I had a conversation on a similar topic with my boyfriend. We were discussing if it is expected from a women in today's society to take her husbands last name or not. Even though very liberal, my boyfriend seems to prefer to marry a women who will take his name and start all over, identity wise. I felt as if he hit me over the head with the bat and dragged me to his cave, until he saw my facial expression and listened to my arguments, than he decided to support "who ever the lucky one to marry him will be" and go with whatever she decides to do, my boyfriend is very smart, he picks his battles.

Personally, I believe that taking your significant others name upon marrying him is a "tradition", but it is a very detrimental one. The women who decides to do that could potentially confuse/loose her business connections, reputation and all the other accomplishments she did under her maiden name. It might not seem like to big of a sacrifice to make for the one you love but in this day and age it is not needed anymore.


Women should be able to keep their maiden name without feeling guilty or not loving enough to their husbands or boyfriends. The same thing works with the issue of splitting the inheritance among children after parents pass away and male successors.
In some cultures (read Eastern European Cultures) male child is still considered the only legitimate successor of his parents heritage. This "tradition" is absolutely wrong, and leads to development of generation of women with low self esteem and no desire to grow and become somebody, as all of their dream are shattered by what is genetically determined by whether sperm from their father supplied an X or Y chromosome to their mothers egg cell.


A matter like that should not be an issue anymore, one would think that after burning our bras,voting, getting higher education as well as multitasking and managing successful careers and family life women should not have to defend their freedom of choice anymore, or are there more uncivilized wild man left hiding in their caves?

BOOK REVIEW: "The end of fashion" by Teri Agins

Inspired by the lack of daily intellectual activity and the pile up of thoughts and ideas in my rather creative head with the limited information storage space (and probably inability to find a person who would be willing to hear all of the above, other than my boyfriend who doesn't count as he has no other choice)I decided to start writing this blog. This way, I can bother all of you willing to read it, with my daily dilemmas, worries and observations.

So,today, on my day off work I woke up 100% PMSal ready to scream at, cry to and complain to the first person I see, as my boyfriend ran out to work before I fully regained my conscious my first victim was my mother. Which is great since she must always understand and forgive, she has to! That's her "mother duty"-Mother's Law 1252.1 :"Never take anything your PMSal daughter saids to heart".

Next, I talked to my GF and BFF, we discussed rather important issues with finalizing her wedding plans and she educated me on "The American Weeding Traditions" which are soooo damn confusing! Gosh!!!! I miss Croatian good old "cash in the envelope" kind of gift giving.

As I finished my conversation I finally started reading Teri Agins's "The End of Fashion" and sinfully indulged in my 654 Calorie Grande Fat Free Pepermint Mocha (God Bless Starbucks on the first day of PMS and damn you New York City officials for showing the calorie count in my face).

Recently, I started to research fashion history and fashion business to help me decide if I should go to fashion graduate school or not. So far, the more I read the more I am realizing that my view of fashion is very naive and romantic. I have been living in an "isolated bubble".

In my little bubble, fashion is still painfully gorgeous, impractically fabulous and totally unwearable, and I love it like that! I seem to be one of a dying kind. I learned that those who would agree with my views and who would share my mindset died in 60's (Dior, Chanel) or are alive but severely drugged and medicated (but still very successful) and have no connection to the reality what so ever (John Galliano).

Please don't get me wrong, I am not comparing myself with their geniusness but simply realizing that I myself think of fashion garment as little pieces of art, rather that a pieces of fabric stitched together by a 10 year old factory worker in China. As Teri Agins realistically noted the fashion has ended as it existed before and became a mass-pleasing part of entertainment industry :(

Obviously, I have just started reading this book but I am hungrily turning its pages, praying to find a thread of hope to grip on, hoping to learn that it is not all about money and catering to couture illiterate sloppy dressing masses and that there is still interest in fashion in form it has once existed: exclusive, reserved for sizes 6 and under ,fabulous, expensive, glamorous, uncomfortable and painful to wear but stunning to look at and a privilege to wear.

PUSA.